Do I give up or do I go gracefully?

How do you stop hoping when a relationship is over? General gist of relationship: I F30 (Australia) I met an M31 online (America) we fell hard for each other, he booked tickets to see me, I broke up with him due to my own anxious thoughts, I really hurt him with this, he was at a stage really low on his life, very stressed at work, at one point he cried on me and had received some not so good health news, then i broke up with him. He went from begging me to change my mind to shutting down emotionally very quickly, he still came to Australia and we ended up spending the whole holiday together, we agreed to take it easy and try to rebuild, he went home, my anxious attachment got in on him somehow , he reflected and said that he can’t present himself to me in the way that I deserve, for example, he can’t be constantly reassuring me when he is not emotionally well. Then he apologized, he wants me in his life but all he can offer is friendship, but he cares about me. I told him today after reflection that I can’t just be friends with him as it’s too hard. He is upset. I’m upset. But I still have hope that he will reach out to me. He told me that he didn’t want it to be like this, I told him that he is the only one with the power to change that. I hate to hold out hope but I don’t know if I did this because it’s what I want or if it’s because I want him to come to me and give him a wake up call. Being friends with him is too hard and he was giving me anxiety, but not having him in my life sucks too. I don’t understand why he still wants me in his life. I don’t know what to do. Since he’s going right now we’re not talking. But I sincerely hope that he comes to me with a changed mind after giving it some thought. Honestly, I cut off contact because it’s the best thing for me, but after a few hours I’m crying over bread in the aisle at the grocery store (I wish I was kidding) TL; DR: met someone long distance, broke up due to anxious thoughts when he was having a hard time, shut down emotionally, came to see me, had wonderful vacation, agreed to take it easy, now mused that he can’t come forward me the way I need to after spiraling anxiety. He told me that he wants me in his life, that he can only offer friendship, that I cannot be his friend and that it is best that there is no contact; now i am fighting Is he a cop or someone who is really fighting?

How do you stop hoping when a relationship is over? General gist of relationship: I F30 (Australia) I met an M31 online (America) we fell hard for each other, he booked tickets to see me, I broke up with him due to my own anxious thoughts, I really hurt him with this, he was at a stage really low on his life, very stressed at work, at one point he cried on me and had received some not so good health news, then i broke up with him. He went from begging me to change my mind to shutting down emotionally very quickly, he still came to Australia and we ended up spending the whole holiday together, we agreed to take it easy and try to rebuild, he went home, my anxious attachment got in on him somehow , he reflected and said that he can’t present himself to me in the way that I deserve, for example, he can’t be constantly reassuring me when he is not emotionally well. Then he apologized, he wants me in his life but all he can offer is friendship, but he cares about me. I told him today after reflection that I can’t just be friends with him as it’s too hard. He is upset. I’m upset. But I still have hope that he will reach out to me. He told me that he didn’t want it to be like this, I told him that he is the only one with the power to change that. I hate to hold out hope but I don’t know if I did this because it’s what I want or if it’s because I want him to come to me and give him a wake up call. Being friends with him is too hard and he was giving me anxiety, but not having him in my life sucks too. I don’t understand why he still wants me in his life. I don’t know what to do. Since he’s going right now we’re not talking. But I sincerely hope that he comes to me with a changed mind after giving it some thought. Honestly, I cut off contact because it’s the best thing for me, but after a few hours I’m crying over bread in the aisle at the grocery store (I wish I was kidding) TL; DR: met someone long distance, broke up due to anxious thoughts when he was having a hard time, shut down emotionally, came to see me, had wonderful vacation, agreed to take it easy, now mused that he can’t come forward me the way I need to after spiraling anxiety. He told me that he wants me in his life, that he can only offer friendship, that I cannot be his friend and that it is best that there is no contact; now i am fighting Is he a cop or someone who is really fighting?

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