How do I obtain (40 / m) the cooperation of my parents who argue among themselves (71 / f, 71 / m) to clean their house of hoarders?

Background: I am 40 years old and I live on the other side of the country from my mother and stepfather. Mother and stepfather have diagnosed her with mental health problems (clinical depression and anxiety herself, he bipolar) and my mother is physically disabled. Both have fallen inside the home repeatedly over the past year, once requiring hospitalization. They are both accumulators (like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10, not apocalyptic but bad enough) and going from point A to point B in the house requires looking at the floor, walking sideways, and climbing over trash. My mother cannot use the stairs and lives practically 24/7 in the downstairs living room. They live in a condo complex that recently began to have a mouse infestation. There is no way to get rid of them without doing something about the clutter, which threatens your physical health and your ability to live independently. My sister and I know exactly what to do: hire a cleaning service to check the house, throw out the trash, make sure my parents put away the things that are important to them, help them organize their house so they finally have actual shelving and storage space, get an exterminator and arrange a weekly cleaning service for them. The problem is that my parents verbally abuse each other and fight every time I try to help them clean up or organize. They both have poor communication skills and are called dumb, fat, r * t * rd, useless, lazy, pieces of shit, etc. (I left home when I was 17 and their constant fighting between them was one of the main reasons.) Their insults and yelling become very personal and in addition to making me uncomfortable, it makes it impossible for my sister and I to get them to tell us what to keep and what to throw away. It’s not a crazy thing with them, they’ve gotten angry and had a relationship based on fighting with each other for decades. From what I can see, they hate each other, but they are completely codependent on each other. We have made multiple interventions for your hoarding in the past and nothing has worked. At this point, I don’t care if they have a really dysfunctional relationship with each other or if they accumulate, I just want to make sure that they can live independently as long as possible and that they are not at risk of falling or injuring themselves. his house. What is the best option to prevent them from fighting each other when I try to help them? TL; DR: Parents start arguing and cursing each other when I try to help them clean their unsafe home.

Background: I am 40 years old and I live on the other side of the country from my mother and stepfather. Mother and stepfather have diagnosed her with mental health problems (clinical depression and anxiety herself, he bipolar) and my mother is physically disabled. Both have fallen inside the home repeatedly over the past year, once requiring hospitalization. They are both accumulators (like a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10, not apocalyptic but bad enough) and going from point A to point B in the house requires looking at the floor, walking sideways, and climbing over trash. My mother cannot use the stairs and lives practically 24/7 in the downstairs living room. They live in a condo complex that recently began to have a mouse infestation. There is no way to get rid of them without doing something about the clutter, which threatens your physical health and your ability to live independently. My sister and I know exactly what to do: hire a cleaning service to check the house, throw out the trash, make sure my parents put away the things that are important to them, help them organize their house so they finally have actual shelving and storage space, get an exterminator and arrange a weekly cleaning service for them. The problem is that my parents verbally abuse each other and fight every time I try to help them clean up or organize. They both have poor communication skills and are called dumb, fat, r * t * rd, useless, lazy, pieces of shit, etc. (I left home when I was 17 and their constant fighting between them was one of the main reasons.) Their insults and yelling become very personal and in addition to making me uncomfortable, it makes it impossible for my sister and I to get them to tell us what to keep and what to throw away. It’s not a crazy thing with them, they’ve gotten angry and had a relationship based on fighting with each other for decades. From what I can see, they hate each other, but they are completely codependent on each other. We have made multiple interventions for your hoarding in the past and nothing has worked. At this point, I don’t care if they have a really dysfunctional relationship with each other or if they accumulate, I just want to make sure that they can live independently as long as possible and that they are not at risk of falling or injuring themselves. his house. What is the best option to prevent them from fighting each other when I try to help them? TL; DR: Parents start arguing and cursing each other when I try to help them clean their unsafe home.

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