How do we recover from this?

My (35M) wife (37F) and I have been together 13 years, married 10. 3 years ago we lost our youngest son. Since then, he has become progressively more distant. At first I tried to be the rock for him. I made it my mission to be solid for her and be everything she needed, but eventually I needed some love and affection too and there was nothing to be found. Several months ago she became so distant that I thought the marriage was over. I confronted her about it and she basically told me that our relationship was near death and if she wanted to get back to where she was, she had to work for it. So that’s what I did. I busted my ass trying to make our relationship what it once was. She gave him gifts and flowers, constantly telling him that she is beautiful, weekly date nights. Things were fine for a while. There were flashes of old us. After a while I started trying to initiate intimacy which in the last 3 years we’ve been intimate maybe 5 times and before 3 years ago it wasn’t what I would consider to be that great either. My attempts went nowhere, but I kept trying to rebuild and he kept giving hints that he was interested. The most she’s been interested in doing is kissing occasionally on the lips. Never anything else. A couple of weeks ago we were at a party and without going into details she got drunk and we got into an argument where she dropped the following bombshells. She-she Said the idea of ​​having sex with me disgusts her. -every time I bring up the subject of intimacy or try to initiate, she feels like throwing up. There were a few other things, but those were the worst. Since then I have been so depressed. I went to my favorite place with the intention of committing suicide and ultimately couldn’t comply. I have suggested marriage therapy and the only answer is “why?” I am starting therapy for myself but I don’t know what else to do. We talked about it and she apologized, but that was the end of it. I still hear the things she said over and over in my head. I don’t feel like she can get me back from this. I don’t have the energy to keep trying if deep down she feels that way. I will always doubt everything I do and say now. TL:DR Trying to rebuild a dying marriage, my wife says the thought of being intimate with me makes her want to throw up

My (35M) wife (37F) and I have been together 13 years, married 10. 3 years ago we lost our youngest son. Since then, he has become progressively more distant. At first I tried to be the rock for him. I made it my mission to be solid for her and be everything she needed, but eventually I needed some love and affection too and there was nothing to be found. Several months ago she became so distant that I thought the marriage was over. I confronted her about it and she basically told me that our relationship was near death and if she wanted to get back to where she was, she had to work for it. So that’s what I did. I busted my ass trying to make our relationship what it once was. She gave him gifts and flowers, constantly telling him that she is beautiful, weekly date nights. Things were fine for a while. There were flashes of old us. After a while I started trying to initiate intimacy which in the last 3 years we’ve been intimate maybe 5 times and before 3 years ago it wasn’t what I would consider to be that great either. My attempts went nowhere, but I kept trying to rebuild and he kept giving hints that he was interested. The most she’s been interested in doing is kissing occasionally on the lips. Never anything else. A couple of weeks ago we were at a party and without going into details she got drunk and we got into an argument where she dropped the following bombshells. She-she Said the idea of ​​having sex with me disgusts her. -every time I bring up the subject of intimacy or try to initiate, she feels like throwing up. There were a few other things, but those were the worst. Since then I have been so depressed. I went to my favorite place with the intention of committing suicide and ultimately couldn’t comply. I have suggested marriage therapy and the only answer is “why?” I am starting therapy for myself but I don’t know what else to do. We talked about it and she apologized, but that was the end of it. I still hear the things she said over and over in my head. I don’t feel like she can get me back from this. I don’t have the energy to keep trying if deep down she feels that way. I will always doubt everything I do and say now. TL:DR Trying to rebuild a dying marriage, my wife says the thought of being intimate with me makes her want to throw up

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