How do you deal with the need for casual sex when you are in a relationship?

** The Background ** My girlfriend Noelle (F25) and I (M28) have been together for about 2 years, and our relationship is pretty perfect, except for this problem. We are both very sexual people, but we have different sexual histories. She spent the ages of 18-23 casually hooking up with random guys, but eventually realized it was unsatisfying and generally a negative experience, so she stopped with hookups and we met shortly after. On the other hand, I spent the ages 15-25 entering into multiple long-term relationships (I was single for maybe 2 out of 10 years) because (1) I connect with people easily and (2) I was a semi-loser who It was very difficult for him to have casual encounters while he was single, but deep down, what he really wanted were casual encounters. Fast forward to 26 and I solved a lot of my mental health issues, got in decent shape and was a lot more confident. I also vowed that I would not be in another relationship for a long time, especially since I was leaving the country in about a year. I met a couple of girls and had a little fun for about 6 months; you wanted to be in a relationship, but it was easy to reject it and move on. Overall, I was partially successful, but not at the level I wanted to be. I was also very honest with anyone I was involved with, I didn’t want a relationship. Then I met Noelle, and she was different. Most people are unaware of her inner life, which leads them down dark, self-destructive paths, but she was well aware of her shortcomings and was working to fix them (it helped that she was smart, funny, beautiful, etc.). Simply put, we spent the next few months in a “friends plus benefits” situation before stopping because we were both catching feelings and I was leaving. ** The problem ** But the feelings remained, and a business I was working on took off, so I wasn’t leaving anymore. I decided that having casual sex wasn’t exactly productive (I once heard that “there is no compound interest in transient relationships” and agreed with the sentiment), so we started dating in earnest. Since then we have only gotten closer and our relationship is as perfect as possible: we fight and argue, but we are both honest and willing to admit when we are wrong, so we always fix it and finish. stronger for it. But I can’t help the feeling of wanting to fuck other women. I thought that, like most things in my experience, once I made the decision, it would only be a matter of time before my feelings reached my brain, but this has not been the case. Most of the time this is not a problem, but on the occasions when an attractive woman is interested in me, it takes real willpower to resist flirting with her (I would never cheat, I made that mistake once). ** The solution? ** As I said, Noelle has known about this issue from the beginning, although more has been revealed over time as I have become more comfortable and have also explored it further. Last weekend, I screwed up massively and flirted with a girl in front of her; Normally this would never happen as I actively avoid such situations (even when alone), but this time I did so for a myriad of unimportant reasons. She was angry but understands my problem. She has no desire whatsoever for casual sex, as she has a generally negative experience with him, but she thinks she would feel the way I do given my story. Her suggestion was initially to introduce threesomes into our relationship, especially since she always wanted to have sex with girls but never had the chance, but the experience of seeing me flirt with someone else in front of her has put her off. Instead, she suggests we take a break for a few months and let myself “get it out of my system.” She said it would hurt, but that she would rather that I suppress it, which will only make the problem worse intermittently or worse, lead me to break up with her in 10 years to go experiment. Personally, I think this could work, but the thought of putting him through it is so painful that I start to cry uncontrollably. At the same time, while the urge has gotten easier over time somehow, it keeps grinding in the back of my mind at random times, plus I think the blockage that keeps all single women away from me may have helped. more than I thought; What if she’s right and this keeps biting me until I break? This also makes me feel that as much as I love this girl, maybe I’m better off with someone who wouldn’t even think about anyone else. I know she wants that (maybe she even needs it?), And I try really hard to be that person, but it just doesn’t work, maybe monogamy isn’t for me? What you think? Do you have any experience with this? How do you deal with other people’s sexual urges in a relationship? Do I just need to hold on until the urges wear off? ** TLDR; ** In a great relationship but I still want to fuck other girls due to lack of experience with casual sex. My girlfriend suggested that we take a break so I can get it out of my system. Thoughts?

** The Background ** My girlfriend Noelle (F25) and I (M28) have been together for about 2 years, and our relationship is pretty perfect, except for this problem. We are both very sexual people, but we have different sexual histories. She spent the ages of 18-23 casually hooking up with random guys, but eventually realized it was unsatisfying and generally a negative experience, so she stopped with hookups and we met shortly after. On the other hand, I spent the ages 15-25 entering into multiple long-term relationships (I was single for maybe 2 out of 10 years) because (1) I connect with people easily and (2) I was a semi-loser who It was very difficult for him to have casual encounters while he was single, but deep down, what he really wanted were casual encounters. Fast forward to 26 and I solved a lot of my mental health issues, got in decent shape and was a lot more confident. I also vowed that I would not be in another relationship for a long time, especially since I was leaving the country in about a year. I met a couple of girls and had a little fun for about 6 months; you wanted to be in a relationship, but it was easy to reject it and move on. Overall, I was partially successful, but not at the level I wanted to be. I was also very honest with anyone I was involved with, I didn’t want a relationship. Then I met Noelle, and she was different. Most people are unaware of her inner life, which leads them down dark, self-destructive paths, but she was well aware of her shortcomings and was working to fix them (it helped that she was smart, funny, beautiful, etc.). Simply put, we spent the next few months in a “friends plus benefits” situation before stopping because we were both catching feelings and I was leaving. ** The problem ** But the feelings remained, and a business I was working on took off, so I wasn’t leaving anymore. I decided that having casual sex wasn’t exactly productive (I once heard that “there is no compound interest in transient relationships” and agreed with the sentiment), so we started dating in earnest. Since then we have only gotten closer and our relationship is as perfect as possible: we fight and argue, but we are both honest and willing to admit when we are wrong, so we always fix it and finish. stronger for it. But I can’t help the feeling of wanting to fuck other women. I thought that, like most things in my experience, once I made the decision, it would only be a matter of time before my feelings reached my brain, but this has not been the case. Most of the time this is not a problem, but on the occasions when an attractive woman is interested in me, it takes real willpower to resist flirting with her (I would never cheat, I made that mistake once). ** The solution? ** As I said, Noelle has known about this issue from the beginning, although more has been revealed over time as I have become more comfortable and have also explored it further. Last weekend, I screwed up massively and flirted with a girl in front of her; Normally this would never happen as I actively avoid such situations (even when alone), but this time I did so for a myriad of unimportant reasons. She was angry but understands my problem. She has no desire whatsoever for casual sex, as she has a generally negative experience with him, but she thinks she would feel the way I do given my story. Her suggestion was initially to introduce threesomes into our relationship, especially since she always wanted to have sex with girls but never had the chance, but the experience of seeing me flirt with someone else in front of her has put her off. Instead, she suggests we take a break for a few months and let myself “get it out of my system.” She said it would hurt, but that she would rather that I suppress it, which will only make the problem worse intermittently or worse, lead me to break up with her in 10 years to go experiment. Personally, I think this could work, but the thought of putting him through it is so painful that I start to cry uncontrollably. At the same time, while the urge has gotten easier over time somehow, it keeps grinding in the back of my mind at random times, plus I think the blockage that keeps all single women away from me may have helped. more than I thought; What if she’s right and this keeps biting me until I break? This also makes me feel that as much as I love this girl, maybe I’m better off with someone who wouldn’t even think about anyone else. I know she wants that (maybe she even needs it?), And I try really hard to be that person, but it just doesn’t work, maybe monogamy isn’t for me? What you think? Do you have any experience with this? How do you deal with other people’s sexual urges in a relationship? Do I just need to hold on until the urges wear off? ** TLDR; ** In a great relationship but I still want to fuck other girls due to lack of experience with casual sex. My girlfriend suggested that we take a break so I can get it out of my system. Thoughts?

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