How I can[20sF] deal with my boyfriends[20sM] anger? it’s driving me crazy

As background, we are both in our early 20s and have been dating for almost 5 years. He’s the only guy I’ve ever dated, I’m the only girl he’s ever dated. Also, I’m currently a bit depressed and these things always bother me the most when I’m in this state. Like when I’m at school and working, I don’t think twice. But it’s really bothering me now. You know the jokes about “Kyle hit a wall”? This is my boyfriend. Any little inconvenience and he’s huffing and puffing. Literally a few days ago the TV remote was not working. Do you know what he did? He threw it. What did he hit? My foot! Right on the little bone at the top. It wasn’t his intention, clearly, but it hurt. And when I said ouch, he just says “sorry” in a pissed off voice. But that is not all. 2 minutes later he throws it again and hits me in the shoulder. Another half apology. Whatever. I didn’t say anything else because I’m used to it. This is just the most recent incident. He has repeatedly smashed his game controllers, keyboards, phones, all in anger. He literally starts screaming when he loses any of his favorite sports. And road rage is crazy. What he gives? It’s so fucking horrible for me. Also, I’ve never really had a father figure in my life, so any man who yells scares me a little anyway. It’s very embarrassing to admit, but actually I think I have a fixation with another guy because of how he acts. He is someone from elementary school and he was quiet and calm. I have literally no contact with this guy and sometimes I’m like “hm, I wonder if he would throw a box of granola bars 2 feet from my head when we’re fighting” like it’s not so sad. But I feel so guilty about it. Although I literally have no contact with this guy and have no way of knowing what his personality is really like. It’s like a fantasy. But my mom cheated on me like all the guys he’s dated. My grandmother too lmao. And most of the female figures in my life. So I just think “well, I’m meant to be a cheater” and I think my boyfriend thinks the same too. He’ll call my mom thirsty or something and I’ll just laugh a little, but heaven forbid I say anything about his family, especially his father. And you might think “why don’t you like his daddy?” Uh, his ONLY his parents like him, but 10 times worse. Like hitting his dogs and his wife when he’s angry. I literally hate this man. And I said “I don’t like your dad” and you know what my boyfriend says? “Watch your mouth” uhh your dad hits women!! And dogs!! And this man has a concealed carry permit. Good sir. In any case. I recently realized that if he ever left my boyfriend, he would probably beat me up. Is it an unfair assumption? Weirdly, he’s kind of crazy protective of me. As if someone hurt my feelings and wanted to kick their ass. But I was crying and he was yelling “I’m going to beat the crap out of him” and that makes it that much worse. Like I want to be comforted, not yelled at, even if you don’t yell at me, I’m still hearing it. I hope that makes sense. I would love to meet a relationship similar to mine, past or present. I have complained and scolded and explained that I can not with anger and shouting. I don’t know what to do. TLDR: My boyfriend throws things and yells when he’s angry. I hate it. How do I treat it? I just want him to stop

As background, we are both in our early 20s and have been dating for almost 5 years. He’s the only guy I’ve ever dated, I’m the only girl he’s ever dated. Also, I’m currently a bit depressed and these things always bother me the most when I’m in this state. Like when I’m at school and working, I don’t think twice. But it’s really bothering me now. You know the jokes about “Kyle hit a wall”? This is my boyfriend. Any little inconvenience and he’s huffing and puffing. Literally a few days ago the TV remote was not working. Do you know what he did? He threw it. What did he hit? My foot! Right on the little bone at the top. It wasn’t his intention, clearly, but it hurt. And when I said ouch, he just says “sorry” in a pissed off voice. But that is not all. 2 minutes later he throws it again and hits me in the shoulder. Another half apology. Whatever. I didn’t say anything else because I’m used to it. This is just the most recent incident. He has repeatedly smashed his game controllers, keyboards, phones, all in anger. He literally starts screaming when he loses any of his favorite sports. And road rage is crazy. What he gives? It’s so fucking horrible for me. Also, I’ve never really had a father figure in my life, so any man who yells scares me a little anyway. It’s very embarrassing to admit, but actually I think I have a fixation with another guy because of how he acts. He is someone from elementary school and he was quiet and calm. I have literally no contact with this guy and sometimes I’m like “hm, I wonder if he would throw a box of granola bars 2 feet from my head when we’re fighting” like it’s not so sad. But I feel so guilty about it. Although I literally have no contact with this guy and have no way of knowing what his personality is really like. It’s like a fantasy. But my mom cheated on me like all the guys he’s dated. My grandmother too lmao. And most of the female figures in my life. So I just think “well, I’m meant to be a cheater” and I think my boyfriend thinks the same too. He’ll call my mom thirsty or something and I’ll just laugh a little, but heaven forbid I say anything about his family, especially his father. And you might think “why don’t you like his daddy?” Uh, his ONLY his parents like him, but 10 times worse. Like hitting his dogs and his wife when he’s angry. I literally hate this man. And I said “I don’t like your dad” and you know what my boyfriend says? “Watch your mouth” uhh your dad hits women!! And dogs!! And this man has a concealed carry permit. Good sir. In any case. I recently realized that if he ever left my boyfriend, he would probably beat me up. Is it an unfair assumption? Weirdly, he’s kind of crazy protective of me. As if someone hurt my feelings and wanted to kick their ass. But I was crying and he was yelling “I’m going to beat the crap out of him” and that makes it that much worse. Like I want to be comforted, not yelled at, even if you don’t yell at me, I’m still hearing it. I hope that makes sense. I would love to meet a relationship similar to mine, past or present. I have complained and scolded and explained that I can not with anger and shouting. I don’t know what to do. TLDR: My boyfriend throws things and yells when he’s angry. I hate it. How do I treat it? I just want him to stop

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