I [25M] I don’t know how to feel or what to do. Relationship of more than 4 years ended.

Before this relationship, I struggled a lot with commitment issues. We got together when I was 21 and she was 20, shortly after we first met. The relationship continued well for about a year, but like all my previous relationships, I broke up because of my fears. A few months later I realized the mistake I made and if I had the possibility of changing something in my life it would be this breakup because I still feel guilty about it and I am very sorry for all the pain I caused him because of that … nobody deserves something So. Despite all that, he decided to get together again after I texted him and shortly after we got back together. In this rekindled relationship, we went through a lot together and have always recovered each other. It felt super stable and I honestly thought this would be the relationship until the end of my life. I have never been so close to a person and although we both have defects, like everyone … we learned to live with them and I would not change a single thing about her. Eventually we moved in together, we got engaged, most of the old problems we had in our lives were solved. It really felt amazing and like there was nothing to worry about. However, she always had trouble telling me about the things that were bothering her, but she made it pretty obvious, so I always knew when to approach her to find out what was wrong with her. About 3 months ago, he deleted his Instagram account and a random account sent me a message, but the message did not appear. I asked her about it and she confessed that she talked to a guy on Instagram and they started flirting etc. The boy got aggressive and threatened to tell me what they were talking about, so he freaked out and deleted his instagram in the hope that he wouldn’t. Find me. I forgave her. After all, she really is the love of my life and I too made a mistake in the past when I broke up with her. Fast forward 3 months, I feel like something is wrong again. I ask her about it and she says she’s not sure she wants to have a more relationship with me. That she prefers to be alone and that she no longer feels affectionate with me. So we did that … on our floor we also divided the rooms so that we don’t sleep together again. We decided to keep living together for now because it’s easier for both of us and we get along, but it hurts a lot to see her every day. I really don’t have the financial means to move. I tried to give him space but we also ended up hugging and getting closer a couple of times since then. She seems happy when I get home from work and I feel the same when I see her. I asked her if maybe she wanted to date me as a kind of fresh start, but she just said “maybe, I don’t know”. I handled it well at first, but I can feel myself slowly breaking down and feeling super depressed. There are so many things that go through my mind every day and little by little they overwhelm me … Honestly, I don’t know how I am supposed to handle this. & # x200B; I know there is nothing I can do as it depends on what she wants, but I just needed to get this off my chest before it consumes me even faster. & # x200B; TL; DR: I hate having to include a tldr but here it goes: I feel like crap after my 4 year relationship ended. I know this might not be long for many of you, but this is my longest lasting relationship by a mile. & # x200B; Sorry for grammar mistakes, typos, etc. English is not my first language. I left a lot of details to remain somewhat anonymous, so I’m sorry if that changes the context a bit, I’ll edit it when I feel something is conveying the wrong message.

Before this relationship, I struggled a lot with commitment issues. We got together when I was 21 and she was 20, shortly after we first met. The relationship continued well for about a year, but like all my previous relationships, I broke up because of my fears. A few months later I realized the mistake I made and if I had the possibility of changing something in my life it would be this breakup because I still feel guilty about it and I am very sorry for all the pain I caused him because of that … nobody deserves something So. Despite all that, he decided to get together again after I texted him and shortly after we got back together. In this rekindled relationship, we went through a lot together and have always recovered each other. It felt super stable and I honestly thought this would be the relationship until the end of my life. I have never been so close to a person and although we both have defects, like everyone … we learned to live with them and I would not change a single thing about her. Eventually we moved in together, we got engaged, most of the old problems we had in our lives were solved. It really felt amazing and like there was nothing to worry about. However, she always had trouble telling me about the things that were bothering her, but she made it pretty obvious, so I always knew when to approach her to find out what was wrong with her. About 3 months ago, he deleted his Instagram account and a random account sent me a message, but the message did not appear. I asked her about it and she confessed that she talked to a guy on Instagram and they started flirting etc. The boy got aggressive and threatened to tell me what they were talking about, so he freaked out and deleted his instagram in the hope that he wouldn’t. Find me. I forgave her. After all, she really is the love of my life and I too made a mistake in the past when I broke up with her. Fast forward 3 months, I feel like something is wrong again. I ask her about it and she says she’s not sure she wants to have a more relationship with me. That she prefers to be alone and that she no longer feels affectionate with me. So we did that … on our floor we also divided the rooms so that we don’t sleep together again. We decided to keep living together for now because it’s easier for both of us and we get along, but it hurts a lot to see her every day. I really don’t have the financial means to move. I tried to give him space but we also ended up hugging and getting closer a couple of times since then. She seems happy when I get home from work and I feel the same when I see her. I asked her if maybe she wanted to date me as a kind of fresh start, but she just said “maybe, I don’t know”. I handled it well at first, but I can feel myself slowly breaking down and feeling super depressed. There are so many things that go through my mind every day and little by little they overwhelm me … Honestly, I don’t know how I am supposed to handle this. & # x200B; I know there is nothing I can do as it depends on what she wants, but I just needed to get this off my chest before it consumes me even faster. & # x200B; TL; DR: I hate having to include a tldr but here it goes: I feel like crap after my 4 year relationship ended. I know this might not be long for many of you, but this is my longest lasting relationship by a mile. & # x200B; Sorry for grammar mistakes, typos, etc. English is not my first language. I left a lot of details to remain somewhat anonymous, so I’m sorry if that changes the context a bit, I’ll edit it when I feel something is conveying the wrong message.

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