I (27F) don’t know how to trust again after being the “other woman” for 3 years without knowing it

Hi guys. To cut a long story short, I was the other woman in my last relationship for 3 years and it has really confused me. I have already been to several therapists until I found one that I connected with and talked about it at length there. The relationship ended 2 years ago and I finally want to date again, but the problem is that I’m stuck in what if. With my ex, there were no red flags. He fooled me extremely well, made easier by the fact that he was long distance with his wife while she was finishing her Ph.D. He had a wife and family on one side of the country, and I and friends on the other side of the country and no one knew about the other side. He proposed to me and we had plans to move in together soon after I found out, and I only found out because his wife had a surprise visit and I was at his house when she showed up. Regardless, I’ve repeatedly reviewed everything I can remember about him and our relationship, and even with 2 years of cooling off and the help of a therapist, I don’t think I’ve missed any red flags or hints of what it really was. . happening Now, I am having trouble getting over the betrayal despite having no residual feelings towards the man himself. How can I date someone like that again? I feel like all my relationships will be undermined by a nagging feeling that maybe they are not who they say they are. It would be easier if there were problematic behaviors to look for: hiding phone, not knowing where it is, etc., but there weren’t with the last one and may not be with the next one. What should I do? TL;DR: I was the other woman for 3 years and I don’t know how to get over it

Hi guys. To cut a long story short, I was the other woman in my last relationship for 3 years and it has really confused me. I have already been to several therapists until I found one that I connected with and talked about it at length there. The relationship ended 2 years ago and I finally want to date again, but the problem is that I’m stuck in what if. With my ex, there were no red flags. He fooled me extremely well, made easier by the fact that he was long distance with his wife while she was finishing her Ph.D. He had a wife and family on one side of the country, and I and friends on the other side of the country and no one knew about the other side. He proposed to me and we had plans to move in together soon after I found out, and I only found out because his wife had a surprise visit and I was at his house when she showed up. Regardless, I’ve repeatedly reviewed everything I can remember about him and our relationship, and even with 2 years of cooling off and the help of a therapist, I don’t think I’ve missed any red flags or hints of what it really was. . happening Now, I am having trouble getting over the betrayal despite having no residual feelings towards the man himself. How can I date someone like that again? I feel like all my relationships will be undermined by a nagging feeling that maybe they are not who they say they are. It would be easier if there were problematic behaviors to look for: hiding phone, not knowing where it is, etc., but there weren’t with the last one and may not be with the next one. What should I do? TL;DR: I was the other woman for 3 years and I don’t know how to get over it

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