I am (f33) married to (m34) an energy vampire

I recently realized that my husband of 3 years (together for 5) is an energy vampire. He is extremely negative all the time, always has a woe story, complains about everything, has very dramatic reactions to little things and has a total meltdown about his life every two weeks. I have been exhausted, especially after grieving the death of a loved one and battling an increasingly debilitating chronic illness. I began to theorize that much of my illness has been induced by stress caused by dealing with negativity from him. Where I went wrong was not communicating this to him until recently when I felt like I had reached the end of my rope and tried to end the relationship. He completely broke down and said it’s not fair that I never gave him a chance to try to get better and the only reason he’s so negative is because he’s trying to carry the burden of our lives with my new illness and it has been difficult for me. to the. I know that he loves me tremendously and I love him too. I am the center of his world, but that also puts a lot of pressure on me to be responsible for his happiness. I feel like he has a kind of martyr syndrome where he always points out all the sacrifices he’s made and how hard he works for me. He hates his job but that’s how we get health insurance (I pay 90% of the bills but my job has no benefits) so he goes ahead so I can have insurance (although I keep telling him he can quit and we can get private insurance and send him listings for better jobs and he never bothers to even try to apply for anything else). I’m not sure if I’m seeing things correctly or through a jaded lens due to my emotional exhaustion. I feel guilty because he loves me and has sacrificed himself for me, but I also feel that he thrives on misery and only uses me as an excuse. Sometimes I feel like when he cries because he can’t imagine life without me, he’s just manipulating and trying to blame me into staying. I can’t tell right now if I’m staying because I made a vow and I take it seriously and I love it and I want our marriage to work, or because I’m afraid of being the “bad guy” who dumped someone. that he loves me just because it was too hard. I have found myself unable to be compassionate when he is upset about things because he feels like he is feeding his own misery and playing victim or martyr depending on the day. I hate myself for seeing him like this and I don’t know if the problem is him or me. We’ve talked about couples therapy, but I almost feel like it’s too late. It’s been a couple of months since I first tried to leave and we’re fighting all the time. He was doing better for a while for not complaining and being so negative, but now he’s back and says it’s my fault because he’s so afraid of losing me. He keeps saying that he’ll just stop talking to me about his problems, but I really don’t think that’s the solution because at the end of the day he refuses to try to be happy with himself. He won’t go to therapy or try any tools to reframe his perspective. He said that happiness doesn’t matter to him as long as he’s doing the right thing, but he’s always sulking in his misery and making me live in it too. So am I being a jerk to someone with obvious mental illness and not being understanding enough of his wife? Is it even acceptable that he wants me to change? Is it unreasonable for me to walk away for my own health and well-being? TLDR: My husband is very negative and it’s affecting me mentally and physically, but I never told him it was a problem until I was already exhausted. Should he give her a chance to fix it? Am I a jerk for monitoring his emotions in the first place?

I recently realized that my husband of 3 years (together for 5) is an energy vampire. He is extremely negative all the time, always has a woe story, complains about everything, has very dramatic reactions to little things and has a total meltdown about his life every two weeks. I have been exhausted, especially after grieving the death of a loved one and battling an increasingly debilitating chronic illness. I began to theorize that much of my illness has been induced by stress caused by dealing with negativity from him. Where I went wrong was not communicating this to him until recently when I felt like I had reached the end of my rope and tried to end the relationship. He completely broke down and said it’s not fair that I never gave him a chance to try to get better and the only reason he’s so negative is because he’s trying to carry the burden of our lives with my new illness and it has been difficult for me. to the. I know that he loves me tremendously and I love him too. I am the center of his world, but that also puts a lot of pressure on me to be responsible for his happiness. I feel like he has a kind of martyr syndrome where he always points out all the sacrifices he’s made and how hard he works for me. He hates his job but that’s how we get health insurance (I pay 90% of the bills but my job has no benefits) so he goes ahead so I can have insurance (although I keep telling him he can quit and we can get private insurance and send him listings for better jobs and he never bothers to even try to apply for anything else). I’m not sure if I’m seeing things correctly or through a jaded lens due to my emotional exhaustion. I feel guilty because he loves me and has sacrificed himself for me, but I also feel that he thrives on misery and only uses me as an excuse. Sometimes I feel like when he cries because he can’t imagine life without me, he’s just manipulating and trying to blame me into staying. I can’t tell right now if I’m staying because I made a vow and I take it seriously and I love it and I want our marriage to work, or because I’m afraid of being the “bad guy” who dumped someone. that he loves me just because it was too hard. I have found myself unable to be compassionate when he is upset about things because he feels like he is feeding his own misery and playing victim or martyr depending on the day. I hate myself for seeing him like this and I don’t know if the problem is him or me. We’ve talked about couples therapy, but I almost feel like it’s too late. It’s been a couple of months since I first tried to leave and we’re fighting all the time. He was doing better for a while for not complaining and being so negative, but now he’s back and says it’s my fault because he’s so afraid of losing me. He keeps saying that he’ll just stop talking to me about his problems, but I really don’t think that’s the solution because at the end of the day he refuses to try to be happy with himself. He won’t go to therapy or try any tools to reframe his perspective. He said that happiness doesn’t matter to him as long as he’s doing the right thing, but he’s always sulking in his misery and making me live in it too. So am I being a jerk to someone with obvious mental illness and not being understanding enough of his wife? Is it even acceptable that he wants me to change? Is it unreasonable for me to walk away for my own health and well-being? TLDR: My husband is very negative and it’s affecting me mentally and physically, but I never told him it was a problem until I was already exhausted. Should he give her a chance to fix it? Am I a jerk for monitoring his emotions in the first place?

It’s a saving feature and some of the pieces of info in the playscript are extremely insightful – especially ones who are sensing for it. It’s advisable cursive, cosmopolitan and not fictitious. Apostle Bauer is of teaching surface educated nigh this matter and you can read a action or two yet if your relation is afloat ironed: Click Here

Please follow and like us:

Leave a Reply