I (f24) think I am the placeholder / second choice of my BF (m30)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and he never told me about this girl he was madly in love with. Let’s call her Amy. And all this information about her I found her snooping, I don’t know if I regret having done it or not. Anyway, Amy and my boyfriend have been friends for almost 10 years. They met by mutual but she is in Europe and we are in the United States. Due to the long distance, they never got together, but last year, 7 months before he met me, Amy flew in and they hooked up for two weeks before she left. During that time, he realized that he was madly in love with her and that he wanted to marry her. Amy (f28) was outdated, but not for long distance, so they decided it wouldn’t work. They kept talking for 3 months afterward and occasionally throughout the year. My boyfriend kept photos of her, photo albums dedicated just to her, etc. When we started dating, he sent her pictures of her telling her how he found them at random and just shared a casual conversation like how are you etc. She was flirtatious, she said she was thinking about him, but he didn’t entertain him. We talked about it because I got mad and he said he probably wouldn’t text him again and he seemed really sad about it. Anyway, my boyfriend’s friend went to Europe and asked my boyfriend what he could bring back (this was a week after we dated), and my boyfriend jokingly said Amy. (Again, these were all the texts I snooped around and found.) I don’t feel much anger about this since we started dating, but now I am in conflict. Fast forward yesterday, we were hanging out with his friend and this place showed up in the video we were watching. I know my boyfriend went there with Amy. His friend asked if this was a good place to visit and my boyfriend told him what it was like during the day instead of at night, how can you eat this food etc. and then silence. He looked sad for five minutes and my instincts told me that he was thinking of Amy. I don’t think he ever got over her and if there wasn’t a long distance, he would be with her. But leaving the place of his friends, he was telling me how he loves me, how he wants to introduce me to his mother and how marriage is a possibility. I try to ignore Amy, but I can’t help but think I’m a second choice and a starter until she comes to America or he to Europe, idk. I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend about it because he doesn’t know that I know that much. I said clear about snooping in some parts, but not all. I love my boyfriend and it breaks my heart that he probably loves Amy the most and sometimes yearns for her. I let it go? TLDR; It may be my boyfriend’s second choice or placeholder for his “love of his life”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and he never told me about this girl he was madly in love with. Let’s call her Amy. And all this information about her I found her snooping, I don’t know if I regret having done it or not. Anyway, Amy and my boyfriend have been friends for almost 10 years. They met by mutual but she is in Europe and we are in the United States. Due to the long distance, they never got together, but last year, 7 months before he met me, Amy flew in and they hooked up for two weeks before she left. During that time, he realized that he was madly in love with her and that he wanted to marry her. Amy (f28) was outdated, but not for long distance, so they decided it wouldn’t work. They kept talking for 3 months afterward and occasionally throughout the year. My boyfriend kept photos of her, photo albums dedicated just to her, etc. When we started dating, he sent her pictures of her telling her how he found them at random and just shared a casual conversation like how are you etc. She was flirtatious, she said she was thinking about him, but he didn’t entertain him. We talked about it because I got mad and he said he probably wouldn’t text him again and he seemed really sad about it. Anyway, my boyfriend’s friend went to Europe and asked my boyfriend what he could bring back (this was a week after we dated), and my boyfriend jokingly said Amy. (Again, these were all the texts I snooped around and found.) I don’t feel much anger about this since we started dating, but now I am in conflict. Fast forward yesterday, we were hanging out with his friend and this place showed up in the video we were watching. I know my boyfriend went there with Amy. His friend asked if this was a good place to visit and my boyfriend told him what it was like during the day instead of at night, how can you eat this food etc. and then silence. He looked sad for five minutes and my instincts told me that he was thinking of Amy. I don’t think he ever got over her and if there wasn’t a long distance, he would be with her. But leaving the place of his friends, he was telling me how he loves me, how he wants to introduce me to his mother and how marriage is a possibility. I try to ignore Amy, but I can’t help but think I’m a second choice and a starter until she comes to America or he to Europe, idk. I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend about it because he doesn’t know that I know that much. I said clear about snooping in some parts, but not all. I love my boyfriend and it breaks my heart that he probably loves Amy the most and sometimes yearns for her. I let it go? TLDR; It may be my boyfriend’s second choice or placeholder for his “love of his life”

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