I (F26) misused the phrase “break up” after promising to never say that. I’m not sure how to recover.

My boyfriend [29M] and I have been together for almost 6 years. Early in our relationship I had some bad habits left over from a previous toxic relationship. One of them threatened to separate during fights. Toxic I know. After a particularly bad incident with my current boyfriend, he told me that if I ever threatened him again, he would take me back. Maybe that was finally the wake up call I needed to work on it. I’ve been to counseling for that and other issues, I’ve really worked on myself and it’s been good. It’s been years since I’ve said anything of that nature. My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch of decent fights lately. Nothing major, just one of those routines. They are rare, but they have happened before and we usually move on and happily return to our great relationship. The subject of this routine has been him telling me how volatile and 0 to 100 people I am. He has said this before throughout our relationship. Now, I won’t deny that I have a more fiery personality than him, but lately he’s been making me feel pretty bad about it. Long story short, tonight I broke down and cried at how terrible he’s making me look, constantly blaming my responses for escalating fights as if I’m miserable to date. Instead of trying to comfort me, he doubled down, again blaming my “volatile” personality. He really broke me down at the time, so I asked him “do you want to break up with me?” What I meant by that was “I want to be with you, but why would you want to be with someone as horrible as me?” Now he thinks I broke this promise to never threaten to break, even after I explained to him what I really meant. He seems very booed by me saying that, but I honestly didn’t mean it that way. How can I better communicate that to you? Would you consider me breaking promise in that context? I know that just because of that you guys are going to say that I just need to end it because you know it’s r/relationships, but I hope you can take the view that our relationship is really, really good overall. We are still learning how to communicate and navigate the rough patches and sometimes these ugly things happen, they are in no way an indication of our relationship as a whole. So I ask you to try to focus on my question and context. Tl;dr I used the breakup phrase in a weird context, but my boyfriend is taking it literally. I’m not sure how to explain myself better.

My boyfriend [29M] and I have been together for almost 6 years. Early in our relationship I had some bad habits left over from a previous toxic relationship. One of them threatened to separate during fights. Toxic I know. After a particularly bad incident with my current boyfriend, he told me that if I ever threatened him again, he would take me back. Maybe that was finally the wake up call I needed to work on it. I’ve been to counseling for that and other issues, I’ve really worked on myself and it’s been good. It’s been years since I’ve said anything of that nature. My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch of decent fights lately. Nothing major, just one of those routines. They are rare, but they have happened before and we usually move on and happily return to our great relationship. The subject of this routine has been him telling me how volatile and 0 to 100 people I am. He has said this before throughout our relationship. Now, I won’t deny that I have a more fiery personality than him, but lately he’s been making me feel pretty bad about it. Long story short, tonight I broke down and cried at how terrible he’s making me look, constantly blaming my responses for escalating fights as if I’m miserable to date. Instead of trying to comfort me, he doubled down, again blaming my “volatile” personality. He really broke me down at the time, so I asked him “do you want to break up with me?” What I meant by that was “I want to be with you, but why would you want to be with someone as horrible as me?” Now he thinks I broke this promise to never threaten to break, even after I explained to him what I really meant. He seems very booed by me saying that, but I honestly didn’t mean it that way. How can I better communicate that to you? Would you consider me breaking promise in that context? I know that just because of that you guys are going to say that I just need to end it because you know it’s r/relationships, but I hope you can take the view that our relationship is really, really good overall. We are still learning how to communicate and navigate the rough patches and sometimes these ugly things happen, they are in no way an indication of our relationship as a whole. So I ask you to try to focus on my question and context. Tl;dr I used the breakup phrase in a weird context, but my boyfriend is taking it literally. I’m not sure how to explain myself better.

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