I’m not sure how to stop my son (40M) (19M) from partying all day and all night in Manhattan. I feel like I have lost him as a parent, he has no purpose in life. My husband (54M) just doesn’t care, because at his age he did the same.

We live in Queens, but my son, aged 16-17, lives in Manhattan. With a lot of superficial people. Many of them are of the artistic type, many of them are very handsome, I can say that he is a ‘popular’ type in that sense, but it is very different from what I understood as popular. When he brought some of his friends to the backyard once, I was in awe of them. Crazy fashions, gorgeous people. I grew up in Houston, this lifestyle is completely foreign to me. I didn’t even drink until I was 21. It’s weird to me, because he was always such a nerdy kid growing up. And he was a mama’s boy, and in many ways, he still is. Although I express my frustrations to him, I still love him very much and we get along well. I just don’t understand. & # x200B; I don’t know what to do here at all. Live with us. I would never kick him out just for a party. Maybe if he was a drug addict or stole. But we have 2 additional bedrooms, it feels unnecessarily unfair to kick him out because we don’t agree with him partying. But he PARTY a lot. It’s in manhattan or the bronx or brooklyn, a lot. & # x200B; The husband doesn’t care at all. He grew up here. He said that everyone he knew did the same, and they all ended well. He always tells me stories about 80s New York, like that is supposed to calm me down, because my son is somehow doing the same and is that okay? I know the city isn’t even close to where it used to be in terms of danger, but it still is in terms of partying and drugs. I’ve seen how it gets late at night. I used to have to pick it up in town at all hours of the night (to be fair, I work a night shift in Jersey City so I’m not totally crazy). There was one night when not one or two drug dealers approached me on the way to pick up my son in the eastern town. I look younger than I am, but not THAT young. & # x200B; During the day, it is not much better. He usually leaves between noon and 4 PM to hang out with his friends in the neighborhood, and then at some point, they will usually go to Manhattan. & # x200B; I am puzzled and confused. He’s such a smart boy. But he graduated from high school … and he’s working … and that’s it. He just wants to party. And my husband doesn’t give a shit. & # x200B; Do you need advice? Should I be vigilant to make sure I am not using hard drugs? Should I be more tolerant and maybe he will tell me more? I am not a strict mother. Sometimes I wish I was more strict when he was 15-16 years old, to control these things, but once he reached a certain level of maturity, there was nothing I could do. And I feel bad, because I like his friends, they are such nice and friendly people, that’s why I don’t care when he has friends in the backyard. And I understand that having friends in the back is not a ‘crazy party’, but sometimes I feel like I enable it by allowing that. & # x200B; TL: DR :::: the son is partying too much, the husband just doesn’t care

We live in Queens, but my son, aged 16-17, lives in Manhattan. With a lot of superficial people. Many of them are of the artistic type, many of them are very handsome, I can say that he is a ‘popular’ type in that sense, but it is very different from what I understood as popular. When he brought some of his friends to the backyard once, I was in awe of them. Crazy fashions, gorgeous people. I grew up in Houston, this lifestyle is completely foreign to me. I didn’t even drink until I was 21. It’s weird to me, because he was always such a nerdy kid growing up. And he was a mama’s boy, and in many ways, he still is. Although I express my frustrations to him, I still love him very much and we get along well. I just don’t understand. & # x200B; I don’t know what to do here at all. Live with us. I would never kick him out just for a party. Maybe if he was a drug addict or stole. But we have 2 additional bedrooms, it feels unnecessarily unfair to kick him out because we don’t agree with him partying. But he PARTY a lot. It’s in manhattan or the bronx or brooklyn, a lot. & # x200B; The husband doesn’t care at all. He grew up here. He said that everyone he knew did the same, and they all ended well. He always tells me stories about 80s New York, like that is supposed to calm me down, because my son is somehow doing the same and is that okay? I know the city isn’t even close to where it used to be in terms of danger, but it still is in terms of partying and drugs. I’ve seen how it gets late at night. I used to have to pick it up in town at all hours of the night (to be fair, I work a night shift in Jersey City so I’m not totally crazy). There was one night when not one or two drug dealers approached me on the way to pick up my son in the eastern town. I look younger than I am, but not THAT young. & # x200B; During the day, it is not much better. He usually leaves between noon and 4 PM to hang out with his friends in the neighborhood, and then at some point, they will usually go to Manhattan. & # x200B; I am puzzled and confused. He’s such a smart boy. But he graduated from high school … and he’s working … and that’s it. He just wants to party. And my husband doesn’t give a shit. & # x200B; Do you need advice? Should I be vigilant to make sure I am not using hard drugs? Should I be more tolerant and maybe he will tell me more? I am not a strict mother. Sometimes I wish I was more strict when he was 15-16 years old, to control these things, but once he reached a certain level of maturity, there was nothing I could do. And I feel bad, because I like his friends, they are such nice and friendly people, that’s why I don’t care when he has friends in the backyard. And I understand that having friends in the back is not a ‘crazy party’, but sometimes I feel like I enable it by allowing that. & # x200B; TL: DR :::: the son is partying too much, the husband just doesn’t care

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