My boyfriend (M24) had a secret girlfriend… can I (F21) get over this?

So, I (21F) have had relationship problems in the past, including being cheated on for several years. I met my current boyfriend (24M) at a work event and we hit it off instantly, we work for different companies but trained together for 6 weeks. He is completely different from the guys I usually end up with, extremely sweet, compassionate and very family oriented. He has one of those smiles that could light up a room. After a few weeks, I realized that we didn’t have much more time together, so I took the first step and asked him if he was single…he said yes. We talked about past relationships and he said that he had broken up with his last girlfriend 4 or 5 months before we met and that was the last. We started going on weekly dates, just nice things like coffee etc. to see if there really was something between us. Fast forward 5 months and we are in a fully committed relationship. Honestly, I have never been treated so well, I have never loved someone the way I love them. He lives about 2 hours away but never complains that he has to do the whole trip (I don’t drive) and even drives the distance just to pick me up and take me with him. However, I have big problems when it comes to trust. He gave me his phone number to send me some pictures and his ex-girlfriend’s name was there near the top of his messages. I raise my hands, I should have asked him why or chosen to blindly trust him and I didn’t… But I looked at the messages. They were talking about his breakup, which he showed happened 2 weeks after we had already started dating. I don’t know if it’s worth noting, but on the dates nothing had happened. Not even a kiss, this all came much later. Anyway, we got into an argument (I can’t call it an argument because neither of us got particularly heated or angry) and he explained that his ex had a lot of things in his life that he thought he made even more so. easy. being there. He also said that in the end they weren’t really together, that he was just an emotional crutch for her and that he felt responsible for that, her interactions were even limited to one meal a week, which he showed me evidence of. . He even said that if he really wanted he could talk to his mother, since she knew how unhappy she had been for a long time. He never begged me to stay, nor did he try to claim that he was right, he said that he understood if he couldn’t get over this. Honestly, I got the impression that even though he was hugely wrong, he was just trying to keep everyone happy. I asked him why he said he was single if he wasn’t and he said he hadn’t been emotionally in his relationship for a long time. After talking to my friends, who really didn’t seem to think it was that important, I decided to forgive him. A month or so, it still bugs me, it still hurts, and I honestly get a little obsessed with the whole thing. Including that I think I look like a rebound to his family, even though he assured me they’re not. I also sit and wonder if they think something was going on with us before they broke up (which I knew). I really don’t think he would do the same to me and somehow I still trust him wholeheartedly, something I’ve never had in a relationship before. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. Please let me know what he thinks or any additional questions, please ask. Thank you! TL:DR! : So, my boyfriend was still in his past relationship for the first two weeks we dated, after telling me he was single. I only found out 4 months into our relationship. He assures me that it is because his ex needed the support and had been waiting for the “right time” for months.

So, I (21F) have had relationship problems in the past, including being cheated on for several years. I met my current boyfriend (24M) at a work event and we hit it off instantly, we work for different companies but trained together for 6 weeks. He is completely different from the guys I usually end up with, extremely sweet, compassionate and very family oriented. He has one of those smiles that could light up a room. After a few weeks, I realized that we didn’t have much more time together, so I took the first step and asked him if he was single…he said yes. We talked about past relationships and he said that he had broken up with his last girlfriend 4 or 5 months before we met and that was the last. We started going on weekly dates, just nice things like coffee etc. to see if there really was something between us. Fast forward 5 months and we are in a fully committed relationship. Honestly, I have never been treated so well, I have never loved someone the way I love them. He lives about 2 hours away but never complains that he has to do the whole trip (I don’t drive) and even drives the distance just to pick me up and take me with him. However, I have big problems when it comes to trust. He gave me his phone number to send me some pictures and his ex-girlfriend’s name was there near the top of his messages. I raise my hands, I should have asked him why or chosen to blindly trust him and I didn’t… But I looked at the messages. They were talking about his breakup, which he showed happened 2 weeks after we had already started dating. I don’t know if it’s worth noting, but on the dates nothing had happened. Not even a kiss, this all came much later. Anyway, we got into an argument (I can’t call it an argument because neither of us got particularly heated or angry) and he explained that his ex had a lot of things in his life that he thought he made even more so. easy. being there. He also said that in the end they weren’t really together, that he was just an emotional crutch for her and that he felt responsible for that, her interactions were even limited to one meal a week, which he showed me evidence of. . He even said that if he really wanted he could talk to his mother, since she knew how unhappy she had been for a long time. He never begged me to stay, nor did he try to claim that he was right, he said that he understood if he couldn’t get over this. Honestly, I got the impression that even though he was hugely wrong, he was just trying to keep everyone happy. I asked him why he said he was single if he wasn’t and he said he hadn’t been emotionally in his relationship for a long time. After talking to my friends, who really didn’t seem to think it was that important, I decided to forgive him. A month or so, it still bugs me, it still hurts, and I honestly get a little obsessed with the whole thing. Including that I think I look like a rebound to his family, even though he assured me they’re not. I also sit and wonder if they think something was going on with us before they broke up (which I knew). I really don’t think he would do the same to me and somehow I still trust him wholeheartedly, something I’ve never had in a relationship before. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. Please let me know what he thinks or any additional questions, please ask. Thank you! TL:DR! : So, my boyfriend was still in his past relationship for the first two weeks we dated, after telling me he was single. I only found out 4 months into our relationship. He assures me that it is because his ex needed the support and had been waiting for the “right time” for months.

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