Need help

I am an F (22) met an M (43) through a sugar dating platform and he was the first and only guy I ever had a deal with. At first it was purely transactional, but as the months go by we get closer and closer. He was a very charming boy and also sweet. After a FEW months he mentioned that he had a wife but they didn’t sleep or stay together because he didn’t love her anymore. At first he surprised me, but I thought it was quite normal for people who are married to fall out of love and at the time I didn’t think much of it because he wasn’t emotionally involved. He knew that he had some kind of feelings, but there weren’t many, since we weren’t together, we were just still transactional. After having this arrangement for about 6 months, one day we were talking about drugs and we trusted enough to take it together. It was my first time but not his first. Because of the drug, he made us open our feelings and connect. After that day we became exclusive as a girlfriend and boyfriend relationship and that’s when he started to get emotionally involved. Good parts: he takes care of me by picking me up at night after I go out with my friends and he has really good chemistry in bed. He gets me protein drinks while I try to gain weight. I don’t know what else but I just feel very happy with his partner. Here comes the bad parts: Throughout the relationship, he could only spend time with me after midnight as he claims to be a night person, but I am a morning person. I changed my bedtime just to fit his schedule, so I sleep at 3-4 am instead of the usual 11/12. It has made me feel very tired and my biological clock has also been messed up. It didn’t feel like I was dating him since we rarely do couple things like have nice dates like normal couple things do. We only watch movies at night (rarely) and have sex and talk or eat dinner late at night because that’s the only thing available at night. It was always the same. He only met me during the day for lunch at a cafe a FEW times during the relationship. But he claims that we are in a relationship. He also manipulated me into taking ecstasy after the first time when he didn’t like it because he gave me too high a dose and I had a bad comedown that traumatized me from taking it. I always feel pressured to take it as he said this could help us bond more and he loved the feeling of love when we were both on it. After a while, I got mentally exhausted because it didn’t feel like a normal relationship like my other friends and I feel really sad. One day, my friend saw him holding his wife’s hands and I was completely heartbroken because he claims that he no longer has intimacy or feelings for his wife and that they rarely see each other. But from the looks of it, he wasn’t. I started to find out more and that really seemed loving on wife’s social media. I broke up with him saying that he lied to me and even he told me that he would leave her for me because he wanted to divorce her and he has no feelings for her and I believed him so I went back to him. After that I found out why he didn’t go out with me during the day, not because he had to work, but because he had to spend time with his wife. And when I found out that he was still insisting on that, he didn’t lie to me. He was completely devastated and I decided to leave for good. I have never felt so manipulated, used and lied to so much and I feel like he is so selfish wanting to have the best of both worlds. I’m having a hard time moving on because he really loved him so much or maybe it could be the effect of the drugs, I don’t know. I broke up with him once over the wife thing, but he came to my house with the keys I gave him and entered without my permission and begged me and knelt down and said he had never knelt down to beg before considering his high status. he never pleads. He said that he was very sorry and explained that he didn’t feel anything for his wife and that he had a lot of things to handle and that he couldn’t do it now and other excuses, etc. He even sent me roses and a card that said “I’m leaving her for you. We are so fated”, but in the end he went just to buy more time with me I guess. I felt so traumatically attached to this person and came back. When I finally decided to break up the last time I blocked him and he didn’t try as hard as before to get me back and he didn’t manipulate me or tempt me to get back together with him as I refused any form of meeting when he offered me. talk things out. He still has my keys and I’m wondering if I should contact him to get them back, but I don’t want to text him. Edit: do you also think he should tell the wife? But I’m afraid that he might put me in danger if I do that. They’ve been together for 8 years, I doubt she doesn’t know anything. Considering he doesn’t sleep with his wife (he took me over to his house a FEW times and actually sleeps alone and in separate houses next to each other), it also tells me a lot when we were high about how he cheated on his wife and how He has been fucking a lot of girls, but I changed him to be so loyal. TLDRs; he was very nice to me and he lied to me about that he wanted to divorce his wife. But he also couldn’t live up to the basic expectations of being a boyfriend and I fell for the R’s too much even when I know he wasn’t okay and now I’m hurt. I just can’t believe how naive and blind I was to be manipulated so many times.

I am an F (22) met an M (43) through a sugar dating platform and he was the first and only guy I ever had a deal with. At first it was purely transactional, but as the months go by we get closer and closer. He was a very charming boy and also sweet. After a FEW months he mentioned that he had a wife but they didn’t sleep or stay together because he didn’t love her anymore. At first he surprised me, but I thought it was quite normal for people who are married to fall out of love and at the time I didn’t think much of it because he wasn’t emotionally involved. He knew that he had some kind of feelings, but there weren’t many, since we weren’t together, we were just still transactional. After having this arrangement for about 6 months, one day we were talking about drugs and we trusted enough to take it together. It was my first time but not his first. Because of the drug, he made us open our feelings and connect. After that day we became exclusive as a girlfriend and boyfriend relationship and that’s when he started to get emotionally involved. Good parts: he takes care of me by picking me up at night after I go out with my friends and he has really good chemistry in bed. He gets me protein drinks while I try to gain weight. I don’t know what else but I just feel very happy with his partner. Here comes the bad parts: Throughout the relationship, he could only spend time with me after midnight as he claims to be a night person, but I am a morning person. I changed my bedtime just to fit his schedule, so I sleep at 3-4 am instead of the usual 11/12. It has made me feel very tired and my biological clock has also been messed up. It didn’t feel like I was dating him since we rarely do couple things like have nice dates like normal couple things do. We only watch movies at night (rarely) and have sex and talk or eat dinner late at night because that’s the only thing available at night. It was always the same. He only met me during the day for lunch at a cafe a FEW times during the relationship. But he claims that we are in a relationship. He also manipulated me into taking ecstasy after the first time when he didn’t like it because he gave me too high a dose and I had a bad comedown that traumatized me from taking it. I always feel pressured to take it as he said this could help us bond more and he loved the feeling of love when we were both on it. After a while, I got mentally exhausted because it didn’t feel like a normal relationship like my other friends and I feel really sad. One day, my friend saw him holding his wife’s hands and I was completely heartbroken because he claims that he no longer has intimacy or feelings for his wife and that they rarely see each other. But from the looks of it, he wasn’t. I started to find out more and that really seemed loving on wife’s social media. I broke up with him saying that he lied to me and even he told me that he would leave her for me because he wanted to divorce her and he has no feelings for her and I believed him so I went back to him. After that I found out why he didn’t go out with me during the day, not because he had to work, but because he had to spend time with his wife. And when I found out that he was still insisting on that, he didn’t lie to me. He was completely devastated and I decided to leave for good. I have never felt so manipulated, used and lied to so much and I feel like he is so selfish wanting to have the best of both worlds. I’m having a hard time moving on because he really loved him so much or maybe it could be the effect of the drugs, I don’t know. I broke up with him once over the wife thing, but he came to my house with the keys I gave him and entered without my permission and begged me and knelt down and said he had never knelt down to beg before considering his high status. he never pleads. He said that he was very sorry and explained that he didn’t feel anything for his wife and that he had a lot of things to handle and that he couldn’t do it now and other excuses, etc. He even sent me roses and a card that said “I’m leaving her for you. We are so fated”, but in the end he went just to buy more time with me I guess. I felt so traumatically attached to this person and came back. When I finally decided to break up the last time I blocked him and he didn’t try as hard as before to get me back and he didn’t manipulate me or tempt me to get back together with him as I refused any form of meeting when he offered me. talk things out. He still has my keys and I’m wondering if I should contact him to get them back, but I don’t want to text him. Edit: do you also think he should tell the wife? But I’m afraid that he might put me in danger if I do that. They’ve been together for 8 years, I doubt she doesn’t know anything. Considering he doesn’t sleep with his wife (he took me over to his house a FEW times and actually sleeps alone and in separate houses next to each other), it also tells me a lot when we were high about how he cheated on his wife and how He has been fucking a lot of girls, but I changed him to be so loyal. TLDRs; he was very nice to me and he lied to me about that he wanted to divorce his wife. But he also couldn’t live up to the basic expectations of being a boyfriend and I fell for the R’s too much even when I know he wasn’t okay and now I’m hurt. I just can’t believe how naive and blind I was to be manipulated so many times.

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