Not sure how to meet my partner’s parents (M21) (M20)?

This is my first post on the subreddit and I’m pretty new to Reddit in general, so please forgive me for 1.) the long story and 2.) any reddit tags I may have missed. My partner (M20) and I (M21) have been together for almost two years, but we met online and have never met face to face. We have a time zone difference of 17 hours, to put that in context. I’m not worried about catfishing or anything like that, we do video calls almost daily and such. It’s a very strong relationship and I love him with all my heart. However, there are many problems with us and their parents. I was very lucky to grow up with a mother who accepted me, but he doesn’t have that luxury. His parents are part of a very conservative branch of Christianity and also have a very conservative culture (SE Asian). As such, his parents also do not know that he is a trans masculine and I am a trans man. As I have been with testosterone for more than 4 years, I am doing very well. To his parents, we look like a cisset couple. Based on my partner’s comfort levels, I don’t think we’ll ever come out to them, and if we do, my partner is convinced I’d have to cut them off (I feel the same way). I recently got a visa to visit the country where you live. I plan to meet him soon, as we are both college students and my summer vacation is almost over, and I would very much like to see him sooner. I have to go back to school. We’re discussing the details, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to see it this month (August). However, there are a lot of problems for him to meet his parents. First of all, the parents want me to convert to Christianity. I was born and raised an atheist (with Christian culture, since my parents are ex-Christians) and I have never felt the desire to believe in any religion. I obviously respect other religions and think it’s fascinating to learn about the history, cultures and beliefs of religions around the world, but personally I don’t subscribe to any. I can attend church if I have to (although I would need my partner’s help because I’ve never been to a church service in my life), but I can’t claim to be a Christian for my partner’s parents and I don’t think that’s very ethical or moral anyway. I’m a very bad liar as it is. His parents are stubborn, but so am I. I want to respect them and their religion, but I can’t be the Christian guy they want their son to marry, and I’m not sure how to say that without sounding rude. . They’re mostly worried that my lack of religion means I don’t have a moral compass (despite the fact that I already have a bachelor’s degree, pursue counseling as a career, and have generally been a good two-shoe all my life), And I’m not sure how to prove to them that I’m not the maniac they think I am. Second, on the same theme as their conservatism, they don’t condone tattoos, piercings, etc. They believe very strongly in the roles of masculine and feminine and that they should not intersect. However, while I don’t consider myself to be feminine at all, I do have some hobbies and mannerisms that are not considered completely “masculine” socially. I love to bake, crochet, cross stitch, sew and draw. His dad even mentioned once that it was a “bad sign” that I knew how to knit, because that makes me somehow “girly”, which is a bad thing in his eyes. I also like to paint my nails sometimes, I love fashion (specifically women’s fashion, oh how I miss having outfits that aren’t boring LOL), etc. I also have a large flower tattoo on my forearm and 9 piercings (3 lobes and 1 helix on each ear and a nostril piercing). Basically bad news for conservative Christian parents. I’m fine with covering up my tattoo and looking for ways to cover my piercings somehow (my helixes are freshly pierced), and I can definitely reduce my “girly” traits and habits. Unfortunately, I don’t know how it will fare with my “female” voice (which was a result of growing up as a woman, not because I’m gay, although many people label me as gay for that). , not wrong, but not right either) but I think I can force myself to speak more monotonously. All this to say that I’m not sure how I should handle this meeting with his parents. I have some temporary solutions in mind (re: tattoos and piercings, sort of, but I’d love advice on that front too), but the issues around religion and everything else are hard for me to parse. It’s especially hard for me because I have to take my partner’s name off in front of his parents (I’ve never used it before and I think it’s going to be really hard for me to change) and I have to pretend I’m a cisset man. with a cisset woman. As I mentioned before, I’m not good at lying at all, so I don’t know if I can do that. Talking to them is not an option at all: My partner’s father once “jokingly” physically threatened my partner when he alluded to the idea that he *could* be trans. How should I handle this meeting with my partner’s parents? What should I do if I am asked about my atheism? If they decide to question me about my morality, what should I do then? I’ve never met the parents of a couple before, so this is really heartbreaking for me. And does anyone have any tips for hiding a colored tattoo, 8 ear piercings, and a nose piercing, which are all pretty likely to close up within 24 hours? **TD;LR:** My partner’s parents are extremely conservative and I am not up to their standards. How do I handle my first meeting with them?

This is my first post on the subreddit and I’m pretty new to Reddit in general, so please forgive me for 1.) the long story and 2.) any reddit tags I may have missed. My partner (M20) and I (M21) have been together for almost two years, but we met online and have never met face to face. We have a time zone difference of 17 hours, to put that in context. I’m not worried about catfishing or anything like that, we do video calls almost daily and such. It’s a very strong relationship and I love him with all my heart. However, there are many problems with us and their parents. I was very lucky to grow up with a mother who accepted me, but he doesn’t have that luxury. His parents are part of a very conservative branch of Christianity and also have a very conservative culture (SE Asian). As such, his parents also do not know that he is a trans masculine and I am a trans man. As I have been with testosterone for more than 4 years, I am doing very well. To his parents, we look like a cisset couple. Based on my partner’s comfort levels, I don’t think we’ll ever come out to them, and if we do, my partner is convinced I’d have to cut them off (I feel the same way). I recently got a visa to visit the country where you live. I plan to meet him soon, as we are both college students and my summer vacation is almost over, and I would very much like to see him sooner. I have to go back to school. We’re discussing the details, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to see it this month (August). However, there are a lot of problems for him to meet his parents. First of all, the parents want me to convert to Christianity. I was born and raised an atheist (with Christian culture, since my parents are ex-Christians) and I have never felt the desire to believe in any religion. I obviously respect other religions and think it’s fascinating to learn about the history, cultures and beliefs of religions around the world, but personally I don’t subscribe to any. I can attend church if I have to (although I would need my partner’s help because I’ve never been to a church service in my life), but I can’t claim to be a Christian for my partner’s parents and I don’t think that’s very ethical or moral anyway. I’m a very bad liar as it is. His parents are stubborn, but so am I. I want to respect them and their religion, but I can’t be the Christian guy they want their son to marry, and I’m not sure how to say that without sounding rude. . They’re mostly worried that my lack of religion means I don’t have a moral compass (despite the fact that I already have a bachelor’s degree, pursue counseling as a career, and have generally been a good two-shoe all my life), And I’m not sure how to prove to them that I’m not the maniac they think I am. Second, on the same theme as their conservatism, they don’t condone tattoos, piercings, etc. They believe very strongly in the roles of masculine and feminine and that they should not intersect. However, while I don’t consider myself to be feminine at all, I do have some hobbies and mannerisms that are not considered completely “masculine” socially. I love to bake, crochet, cross stitch, sew and draw. His dad even mentioned once that it was a “bad sign” that I knew how to knit, because that makes me somehow “girly”, which is a bad thing in his eyes. I also like to paint my nails sometimes, I love fashion (specifically women’s fashion, oh how I miss having outfits that aren’t boring LOL), etc. I also have a large flower tattoo on my forearm and 9 piercings (3 lobes and 1 helix on each ear and a nostril piercing). Basically bad news for conservative Christian parents. I’m fine with covering up my tattoo and looking for ways to cover my piercings somehow (my helixes are freshly pierced), and I can definitely reduce my “girly” traits and habits. Unfortunately, I don’t know how it will fare with my “female” voice (which was a result of growing up as a woman, not because I’m gay, although many people label me as gay for that). , not wrong, but not right either) but I think I can force myself to speak more monotonously. All this to say that I’m not sure how I should handle this meeting with his parents. I have some temporary solutions in mind (re: tattoos and piercings, sort of, but I’d love advice on that front too), but the issues around religion and everything else are hard for me to parse. It’s especially hard for me because I have to take my partner’s name off in front of his parents (I’ve never used it before and I think it’s going to be really hard for me to change) and I have to pretend I’m a cisset man. with a cisset woman. As I mentioned before, I’m not good at lying at all, so I don’t know if I can do that. Talking to them is not an option at all: My partner’s father once “jokingly” physically threatened my partner when he alluded to the idea that he *could* be trans. How should I handle this meeting with my partner’s parents? What should I do if I am asked about my atheism? If they decide to question me about my morality, what should I do then? I’ve never met the parents of a couple before, so this is really heartbreaking for me. And does anyone have any tips for hiding a colored tattoo, 8 ear piercings, and a nose piercing, which are all pretty likely to close up within 24 hours? **TD;LR:** My partner’s parents are extremely conservative and I am not up to their standards. How do I handle my first meeting with them?

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