Should I marry a man who is an absentee father?

Parents: I need comments. I am a 25 year old woman with no children. EDIT: First of all, thank you all for your comments. Positive or negative. Second, maybe I didn’t clarify the best. Baby mama takes care of her son 90% of the time. He goes to his grandparents (BF’s parents) about 20 minutes later every weekend. She probably sees her son 6 out of 30 days of the month. My boyfriend attends most sports games and piano recitals. However, when he has a day off at home due to work, his first instinct is never to try to pick up his son. He also pays for private school and after school care (not that writing a check is a good father because he certainly isn’t). Second, I am in therapy and have been for 7 years mostly for trauma and codependency. I recognize that there is an internal problem and I am trying to fix it. Third, I spoke to him tonight and told him that I will not marry you if I don’t see a dramatic change in behavior. I can’t be blamed for playing a role in disrupting this baby’s life and emotional well-being. He’s not happy about it, but he claims that he calls his son every day and talks to him, but not when he’s with me… he thought it was weird… To start with, when I was 9 years old, my parents got divorced. My dad was always present in my life but he never supported me emotionally. He never spent time with me and I ended up having problems with dad. My boyfriend (28 year old man) and I have been together for almost 3 years. We live together and have a healthy relationship. I think he’s saving for a ring because he got a second job. He has a precious 9 year old boy who I have grown to love. His son is never with us. He is always at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. My boyfriend goes to his games from time to time but he could definitely do more. His son and I were alone and he told me how much he misses his father. My boyfriend doesn’t see anything wrong with how everything is currently. Hw never initiates the search for his son or asks him to stay with us. I always suggest it. I love my boyfriend. He says I’m his priority number 1. I feel like his son should take that place. Is being a better father something he can change on his own? Will it happen one day? Or should he leave me before he spends the money to get a ring? After my childhood, I would NEVER want to jeopardize a child’s relationship with her father. If he can change, can I stay? TL:DR: my boyfriend can be an absentee father. Should I quit?

Parents: I need comments. I am a 25 year old woman with no children. EDIT: First of all, thank you all for your comments. Positive or negative. Second, maybe I didn’t clarify the best. Baby mama takes care of her son 90% of the time. He goes to his grandparents (BF’s parents) about 20 minutes later every weekend. She probably sees her son 6 out of 30 days of the month. My boyfriend attends most sports games and piano recitals. However, when he has a day off at home due to work, his first instinct is never to try to pick up his son. He also pays for private school and after school care (not that writing a check is a good father because he certainly isn’t). Second, I am in therapy and have been for 7 years mostly for trauma and codependency. I recognize that there is an internal problem and I am trying to fix it. Third, I spoke to him tonight and told him that I will not marry you if I don’t see a dramatic change in behavior. I can’t be blamed for playing a role in disrupting this baby’s life and emotional well-being. He’s not happy about it, but he claims that he calls his son every day and talks to him, but not when he’s with me… he thought it was weird… To start with, when I was 9 years old, my parents got divorced. My dad was always present in my life but he never supported me emotionally. He never spent time with me and I ended up having problems with dad. My boyfriend (28 year old man) and I have been together for almost 3 years. We live together and have a healthy relationship. I think he’s saving for a ring because he got a second job. He has a precious 9 year old boy who I have grown to love. His son is never with us. He is always at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. My boyfriend goes to his games from time to time but he could definitely do more. His son and I were alone and he told me how much he misses his father. My boyfriend doesn’t see anything wrong with how everything is currently. Hw never initiates the search for his son or asks him to stay with us. I always suggest it. I love my boyfriend. He says I’m his priority number 1. I feel like his son should take that place. Is being a better father something he can change on his own? Will it happen one day? Or should he leave me before he spends the money to get a ring? After my childhood, I would NEVER want to jeopardize a child’s relationship with her father. If he can change, can I stay? TL:DR: my boyfriend can be an absentee father. Should I quit?

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