TL; DR Crazy husband needs advice before he blows up

TL;DR Summary: Husband is mad, he doesn’t want to talk to me, he needs some advice before he blows up. been married for more than 20 years. We both work full time, 4 children (ages 20-9). I work from home to help with the kids because he owns 3 businesses and isn’t home much. We are exact opposites in every way: literally, he likes it, I hate it. I like it, he hates it. He keeps things interesting at times. This is why I’m posting: he’s mad and I need some advice. We had a fight over the property he wants to buy. It’s a huge dump – house is doomed and needs to be torn down, grass is chest deep, sheds falling apart, lots of random beer cans on the lawn, SNAKES EVERYWHERE!! ! (I’m scared of them!!!) However, it’s 3 acres with no neighbors at a relatively low price. For him, it is heaven. He wants to level the house, clean up the property, and build a house. I don’t want anything to do with it for several reasons: it’s an hour away from civilization (grocery stores, gas stations, etc…), the kids will be moved to a new school miles and miles away (the current school across town). ), and without internet. No supplier wants it, and putting it into service would involve at least a $22,000 bill, provided we can find one. I work from home, my office is closed and I need it for work. Basically, I am the main breadwinner in the family, he started to have a fixed salary last year. I have the medical, dental, vision, 401k and employee stock program. I’ve always had a steady income, except for the 18 months I took off to go to school and get the job I have now. I make all my mortgage payments and have paid off almost every vehicle we’ve ever owned. So his suggestion at the beginning was that I travel. First, my office may never reopen. Second, if he expects me to wake up at 3:30 am, get the kids up and feed them, and commute to work at our current house at 5 am (which is when I start, so I finish in time to get down to the kids on the bus) is fucking crazy. Also, how am I supposed to get the kids to school? (It’s not like here where it’s less than a 5 minute drive away. I can take a little break for that.) And we can’t afford to pay for 2 houses. Since then, he gets upset when I don’t ask him for help with things like picking up our teenage son from work. I’ve never really been able to trust him at all. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but he told me to help me more often and I laughed. You don’t go from more than 20 years of being told “no, I have a job” to thinking that it will change overnight. The worst part of children has always fallen on me. I almost lost jobs because of it because I’ve had to stay home with sick or injured kids (before I could work from home), take the kids to doctor’s appointments, take care of school stuff, etc. ..He loves children and so do I, but he has always found a way to sneak around helping Even to the point of whining and moaning and calling me frequently to find out when I’m going to finish when he needed to go to the store and didn’t want to take them. Have you ever tried to go shopping with 4 small children? Is not easy. To this day, he has never been alone with the children for long outside the house. I take them out frequently, without him. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I understand some of this, as he is undergoing treatment for significant back pain at the moment. It’s the reason we haven’t had sex in almost a year. That, and he’s already a 2-pump sucker, which he blames on his back and the vasectomy, which I think is half the bs. Anyway, he gets mad at me for not saying good morning. I’m not a morning person at all, and he is, and I think he’s stupid. He says that he ruined his mornings when I’m quiet and working at 5 in the morning. Yesterday and today, he didn’t say a word in the morning, he didn’t say goodbye and kiss me like he usually does, he just left for work. He also didn’t answer my calls yesterday or today. Of course, depending on where he is and what he’s doing, he sometimes can’t. He works in many places without cell service. He usually calls when he’s on his way home, he hasn’t in 2 days. He stopped today, he didn’t say I love you when I said it. I let him know what we had for dinner and he basically ignored me. I asked him if he wanted the cheese when he was cleaning out some old stuff from the fridge and had to ask him twice before he replied with a scathing “I’ll get it myself.” He constantly blames me for all the things the kids do that he doesn’t like. Well, I’m not perfect, but I’ve done the best I can essentially on my own. If he asked him for help, all he would do was yell at me and blame me. Of course, the problem can’t be because he’s never around and when he is he’s talking on the phone or sleeping. He calls me fainthearted It’s frustrating when I need to talk to him and I need multiple calls because he has to hang up each time to get another call from a customer or employee. And this is the part that scares me: when he gets like this, he usually blows up and ends up yelling at me for HOURS. He repeats himself and goes on and on and on. He never lets me say a word and he never lets me vent my own frustrations. Which, admittedly, has made me distant for a while. I understand that he is under a lot of stress, especially with the new business he just took on. The son of the previous owner has threatened us with death and the previous owner has been causing problems in the business. I’m not unfriendly, and I hear him vent. Of course he never listens to me. If he complains to me about work, it’s always my fault and he “doesn’t want to hear anything negative”, but it’s great that he vents to me for hours. Also, he complains that I don’t like going to parties and says that clients invite him all the time. I am socially awkward. Much much. I don’t like to go places where I don’t know anyone because when he is with other people he ignores me. Like, I’m standing over him talking to him and he’s pretending not to hear. As if he wasn’t there. I’ve never told him that he can’t go. From the beginning, when we went places, he never recognized me or introduced me to people he knew. I’ve mentioned it to him several times and he doesn’t do anything about it. So, I know he’s going to snap at me and I’m not sure how to take it. He doesn’t get physical, he just acts like a real asshole. I’m sick and tired of yelling one minute about how something I do makes him want to leave and the next saying “I hope you never come to your senses and leave, I can’t do this without you.” I swear, he has some kind of problem when he does this shit. Here’s the kicker: he’s traveling to help out a family member this weekend and I bet he’ll do it the night before. He told me we were going to go last weekend, so I rescheduled an appointment for an activity my son wants to participate in. I rescheduled it for this Sunday, with his approval. It turns out that it is the actual day that he plans to travel and now I need to stay here with my son. He had the wrong day, so he blames me and he’s mad that we can’t all go. I swear, his mind is drifting a bit too, because he keeps calling people the wrong name and getting the days mixed up. I think it’s stress, but what do I know? I guess after all this ranting, I want to know how to handle this. I know he needs a break to de-stress, but he won’t take it. He worries me that he will really go crazy with the stress of his business and all the legal problems with the new business. (Not his fault, the previous owner went bankrupt, paid off the debt and bought the franchise so the 20+ employees wouldn’t lose their jobs and gave the previous owner a job, which he will now lose due to lawsuits against his family from the franchise. Long story short, they’re crazy.) So how should I handle this? Sorry for so long, he just needed to rant. The only people I have to talk to are my kids and I can’t burden them with this.

TL;DR Summary: Husband is mad, he doesn’t want to talk to me, he needs some advice before he blows up. been married for more than 20 years. We both work full time, 4 children (ages 20-9). I work from home to help with the kids because he owns 3 businesses and isn’t home much. We are exact opposites in every way: literally, he likes it, I hate it. I like it, he hates it. He keeps things interesting at times. This is why I’m posting: he’s mad and I need some advice. We had a fight over the property he wants to buy. It’s a huge dump – house is doomed and needs to be torn down, grass is chest deep, sheds falling apart, lots of random beer cans on the lawn, SNAKES EVERYWHERE!! ! (I’m scared of them!!!) However, it’s 3 acres with no neighbors at a relatively low price. For him, it is heaven. He wants to level the house, clean up the property, and build a house. I don’t want anything to do with it for several reasons: it’s an hour away from civilization (grocery stores, gas stations, etc…), the kids will be moved to a new school miles and miles away (the current school across town). ), and without internet. No supplier wants it, and putting it into service would involve at least a $22,000 bill, provided we can find one. I work from home, my office is closed and I need it for work. Basically, I am the main breadwinner in the family, he started to have a fixed salary last year. I have the medical, dental, vision, 401k and employee stock program. I’ve always had a steady income, except for the 18 months I took off to go to school and get the job I have now. I make all my mortgage payments and have paid off almost every vehicle we’ve ever owned. So his suggestion at the beginning was that I travel. First, my office may never reopen. Second, if he expects me to wake up at 3:30 am, get the kids up and feed them, and commute to work at our current house at 5 am (which is when I start, so I finish in time to get down to the kids on the bus) is fucking crazy. Also, how am I supposed to get the kids to school? (It’s not like here where it’s less than a 5 minute drive away. I can take a little break for that.) And we can’t afford to pay for 2 houses. Since then, he gets upset when I don’t ask him for help with things like picking up our teenage son from work. I’ve never really been able to trust him at all. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but he told me to help me more often and I laughed. You don’t go from more than 20 years of being told “no, I have a job” to thinking that it will change overnight. The worst part of children has always fallen on me. I almost lost jobs because of it because I’ve had to stay home with sick or injured kids (before I could work from home), take the kids to doctor’s appointments, take care of school stuff, etc. ..He loves children and so do I, but he has always found a way to sneak around helping Even to the point of whining and moaning and calling me frequently to find out when I’m going to finish when he needed to go to the store and didn’t want to take them. Have you ever tried to go shopping with 4 small children? Is not easy. To this day, he has never been alone with the children for long outside the house. I take them out frequently, without him. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I understand some of this, as he is undergoing treatment for significant back pain at the moment. It’s the reason we haven’t had sex in almost a year. That, and he’s already a 2-pump sucker, which he blames on his back and the vasectomy, which I think is half the bs. Anyway, he gets mad at me for not saying good morning. I’m not a morning person at all, and he is, and I think he’s stupid. He says that he ruined his mornings when I’m quiet and working at 5 in the morning. Yesterday and today, he didn’t say a word in the morning, he didn’t say goodbye and kiss me like he usually does, he just left for work. He also didn’t answer my calls yesterday or today. Of course, depending on where he is and what he’s doing, he sometimes can’t. He works in many places without cell service. He usually calls when he’s on his way home, he hasn’t in 2 days. He stopped today, he didn’t say I love you when I said it. I let him know what we had for dinner and he basically ignored me. I asked him if he wanted the cheese when he was cleaning out some old stuff from the fridge and had to ask him twice before he replied with a scathing “I’ll get it myself.” He constantly blames me for all the things the kids do that he doesn’t like. Well, I’m not perfect, but I’ve done the best I can essentially on my own. If he asked him for help, all he would do was yell at me and blame me. Of course, the problem can’t be because he’s never around and when he is he’s talking on the phone or sleeping. He calls me fainthearted It’s frustrating when I need to talk to him and I need multiple calls because he has to hang up each time to get another call from a customer or employee. And this is the part that scares me: when he gets like this, he usually blows up and ends up yelling at me for HOURS. He repeats himself and goes on and on and on. He never lets me say a word and he never lets me vent my own frustrations. Which, admittedly, has made me distant for a while. I understand that he is under a lot of stress, especially with the new business he just took on. The son of the previous owner has threatened us with death and the previous owner has been causing problems in the business. I’m not unfriendly, and I hear him vent. Of course he never listens to me. If he complains to me about work, it’s always my fault and he “doesn’t want to hear anything negative”, but it’s great that he vents to me for hours. Also, he complains that I don’t like going to parties and says that clients invite him all the time. I am socially awkward. Much much. I don’t like to go places where I don’t know anyone because when he is with other people he ignores me. Like, I’m standing over him talking to him and he’s pretending not to hear. As if he wasn’t there. I’ve never told him that he can’t go. From the beginning, when we went places, he never recognized me or introduced me to people he knew. I’ve mentioned it to him several times and he doesn’t do anything about it. So, I know he’s going to snap at me and I’m not sure how to take it. He doesn’t get physical, he just acts like a real asshole. I’m sick and tired of yelling one minute about how something I do makes him want to leave and the next saying “I hope you never come to your senses and leave, I can’t do this without you.” I swear, he has some kind of problem when he does this shit. Here’s the kicker: he’s traveling to help out a family member this weekend and I bet he’ll do it the night before. He told me we were going to go last weekend, so I rescheduled an appointment for an activity my son wants to participate in. I rescheduled it for this Sunday, with his approval. It turns out that it is the actual day that he plans to travel and now I need to stay here with my son. He had the wrong day, so he blames me and he’s mad that we can’t all go. I swear, his mind is drifting a bit too, because he keeps calling people the wrong name and getting the days mixed up. I think it’s stress, but what do I know? I guess after all this ranting, I want to know how to handle this. I know he needs a break to de-stress, but he won’t take it. He worries me that he will really go crazy with the stress of his business and all the legal problems with the new business. (Not his fault, the previous owner went bankrupt, paid off the debt and bought the franchise so the 20+ employees wouldn’t lose their jobs and gave the previous owner a job, which he will now lose due to lawsuits against his family from the franchise. Long story short, they’re crazy.) So how should I handle this? Sorry for so long, he just needed to rant. The only people I have to talk to are my kids and I can’t burden them with this.

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