Here are two questions you may have contemplated when trying to develop an intimate relationship:
* What are the “best” personal qualities that allow you to develop a successful intimate relationship?
* What characterizes people who are successful in developing such a relationship?
Different personal trainers and therapists may give you different answers. There are those who believe that communication skills are the key to a successful bond; others believe that mutual give and take is the answer; others say that empathy is the most important skill; however, others believe that the most important thing is the ability to compromise. All of these, and many other beliefs, may be true.
However, the question is: how do you learn to communicate? How do you learn to compromise? To be emphatic? How do you learn to engage in mutual give and take?
It’s not just about learning “techniques”; It is rather a matter of learning to know yourself: understand what makes you the person you are; what makes you react and behave in relationships the way you do; what makes you believe or not believe in the value of communication, give and take, empathy and commitment.
And more than that; is about:
* Understand what allows you to communicate clearly or not (do you know how to express emotions? Do you know how to accept the point of view of others?);
* Understand your own belief system about give and take in a relationship (do you think men and women have “equal rights” in a relationship? Do you think men and women should engage in give and take in similar ways or different?);
* Understand your position on commitment (do you always need to commit? Do women need to commit more than men? Are there issues you should never commitment?).
To understand where you stand on these and other issues, you need to be able to look within; observe yourself; to look and reflect on your patterns of thoughts, reactions and behaviors that are repeated throughout all your relationships.
Such reflection is a great way to understand and realize how you might have damaged your relationships so far; what mistakes you might have made in your relationships and what you might want to change.
Such reflection is actually a process of awareness: You become aware of the ways you meet others; of the ways in which you handle yourself in relationships; of the ways you could sabotage your attempts.
Regardless of how many relationship tips you’ve come across; however many “techniques” you have learned, the crucial and most important key to being able to develop and maintain successful intimacy is becoming Self conscious. That means, be aware of:
* Messages You may have internalized at a young age what controls your reactions and behaviors and leads you to sabotage your relationships without even knowing it (such as: “I need to always be in control”; “I need to always be on my guard”; “Never trust no one!”; “Work or education comes before intimacy” and other similar messages).
* fears that can control you without you realizing it (such as: fear of being alone that leads you to always jump with whoever asks you out; fear of commitment that leads you to leave one relationship after another, etc.).
* Needs you could exert a power over yourself that leads you to behave in unhealthy and unproductive ways, causing others to leave you again and again (such as: an uncontrolled need for love that makes you too submissive and therefore your partners lose respect; need to be made to behave in ways that smother their partners, etc.).
* Expectations you are not aware (such as: expecting your partner to be 100% for you at all times; expecting the other to stop seeing old friends, which is part of jealousy; expecting the other to behave according to your rules and demands, all of which are unrealistic and damage the relationship.
* Many other factors that you do not know and that make you react and behave in a self-sabotaging way with your partners, or cause you to remain single.
Self-awareness, therefore, is a personal quality that not many love. However, it is a key quality that will allow you to become aware of what has led you to sabotage your relationship attempts so far, deactivate the power that this has had over you, make the necessary changes and empower yourself to develop the relationship you want. desire.
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